It's finally here. The day I've been dreading/dreaming about/counting down to/fearing/anxiously awaiting/etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. I am no longer a college athlete. I am no longer an "athlete," in the official sense at least, or even really at all.
It's all too much.
For almost four years now I have been dreaming about this day. The day when I didn't have to drag myself across the river, climb the 2 flights up to the locker room, and go out and have my ass kicked on the field or in the weight room for 3 hours. The day when I wouldn't have to drag my sore body back up to the locker room, into the shower, and back over the river to my dorm room to try to do my work. Finally I would get some alone time, some time to catch up, some time to get everything done. For so long I've been putting off all those little that needed to get done but I "didn't have time." The only problem now is I have 17 thousand little things that need to be done, things I have been putting off for weeks, months, and even years, and all I want to do is sleep. I'm caught in between two feelings, really. I feel that I am due a grace period where life doesn't have to continue and I can just sleep and watch movies and eat and hang out with my family and boyfriend and friends who I have been neglecting for 4 years. But I also feel that I want to do everything. I want to do everything immediately and wholeheartedly and without hesitation and I want to do it all at the same time.
This blog is one of those things. I want to make my postings routine. I want to make this a thing. I took the first step of putting it up on Facebook the other day, and I have to say I'm pretty happy with the turnout. Now I want to make this a REAL part of my life. Along with 30,000 other things. So bear with me people, it's going to be bumpy as I figure out exactly what my place is now and finely tune who I want to be. For so long my identity has been wrapped up in the too-busy-for-anything-else college athlete persona. The girl who wears sweatpants to class and doesn't have time for makeup and does things last minute because I don't have any other time. I want to stop making excuses and I want to DO IT NOW.
And so it beings...life after athlete...
It's all too much.
For almost four years now I have been dreaming about this day. The day when I didn't have to drag myself across the river, climb the 2 flights up to the locker room, and go out and have my ass kicked on the field or in the weight room for 3 hours. The day when I wouldn't have to drag my sore body back up to the locker room, into the shower, and back over the river to my dorm room to try to do my work. Finally I would get some alone time, some time to catch up, some time to get everything done. For so long I've been putting off all those little that needed to get done but I "didn't have time." The only problem now is I have 17 thousand little things that need to be done, things I have been putting off for weeks, months, and even years, and all I want to do is sleep. I'm caught in between two feelings, really. I feel that I am due a grace period where life doesn't have to continue and I can just sleep and watch movies and eat and hang out with my family and boyfriend and friends who I have been neglecting for 4 years. But I also feel that I want to do everything. I want to do everything immediately and wholeheartedly and without hesitation and I want to do it all at the same time.
This blog is one of those things. I want to make my postings routine. I want to make this a thing. I took the first step of putting it up on Facebook the other day, and I have to say I'm pretty happy with the turnout. Now I want to make this a REAL part of my life. Along with 30,000 other things. So bear with me people, it's going to be bumpy as I figure out exactly what my place is now and finely tune who I want to be. For so long my identity has been wrapped up in the too-busy-for-anything-else college athlete persona. The girl who wears sweatpants to class and doesn't have time for makeup and does things last minute because I don't have any other time. I want to stop making excuses and I want to DO IT NOW.
And so it beings...life after athlete...